Anyone who has gone through a divorce will tell you that it’s a difficult time; tensions run high, the divorce proceedings aren’t easy, and emotions can be raw. A divorce isn’t easy for either partner.
Here are a few things to keep in mind when going through a divorce:
Don’t blame. Take responsibility. Often during a divorce, it is much easier to blame the other person. Blame does no good for either side as it creates hostility between the two partners. If both sides can take responsibility for how the divorce came to be, everyone will be able to act more rationally. It’s also an important step in healing and moving on; it can help you figure out what happened in this marriage that you don’t want to have happen in your next relationship. Know what mistakes you made so that you don’t repeat them.
Don’t involve the kids. This is an obvious one—don’t involve your kids in adult problems. Carol Morgan from The Huffington Post makes some excellent points on this subject: It isn’t your children’s fault that the marriage didn’t work. A divorce can really have lasting effects on your children, so it’s important that you put their needs above your own. Handle the situation well, and keep your kids out of it.
Make an agreement with your ex not to make your children be the mediator; if you have something to say to your ex, you tell them. It’s not fair to make your children play go-between.
And maybe most importantly, don’t say bad things about your ex in front of your children. It’s important that your kids love and respect both parents.
Take care of yourself. It will take time for you to heal after your divorce, but don’t fall into bad habits; eat healthy, don’t abuse alcohol or drugs, and make time for the things you love to do. Brittany Wong, divorce editor at The Huffington Post, gives some excellent ideas on how to be the best you and how to keep yourself busy; find new habits, new reading material, new music, and new hobbies that will help you heal through your divorce.
Talk about it. A divorce isn’t an easy thing to go through, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Talk with a close friend or two about how you are feeling and how you are handling everything. Find a therapist that can help you feel better about your divorce and yourself.
Jessica Zimmer from Legal Zoom reminds us that a therapist is not just someone to talk to. They can show you how to relax, how to talk to your kids, and how to remain calm in court. Your therapist can also help you learn how to become more self-sufficient.
If you’d like to set up a time to meet up with Reka, you can contact her by phone at 402-881-8125, by email at reka@omaha-counseling.com, or via Twitter or Facebook.
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