There’s plenty of advice about marriage out there. Most couples know the facts about divorce, especially for younger couples tying the knot.
The truth is that no one can know if a marriage will last a year, fifteen years, or a lifetime.
However, there are a few reasons for getting married that don’t typically equal a happy, healthy marriage. Here are a few of those reasons:
Because it’s the next step: Don’t feel like you have to settle for someone just because you’ve reached a certain age and think you should be married by now. Don’t settle because you want kids and feel like you should have them by the time you are 30. It’s better to be alone and happy than stuck in a commitment with the wrong person.
Because you are pregnant or trying to escape: Don’t marry just because you are pregnant, especially if you don’t know the other person very well. Take time to get to know your baby’s mother or father before making the decision to marry (or even date).
To escape a bad home environment or living situation—you don’t have to be married to get out of a bad living arrangement.
Beware of Red flags: You want to get married because you want to feel loved. A feeling of love doesn’t come just because you are married. Love should come long before a marriage. Two people should marry because their love for each other has already been established.
If your fiancé has abusive outbreaks or problems with alcohol (especially if your fiancé has hit you) get out as soon as possible, regardless of the excuses he/she gives for their outbreak. These are red flags, and the problems are only likely to progress after marriage.
If you fear your fiancé is an alcoholic, don’t overlook the problem or believe that you can change their drinking habits by yourself. If your fiancé is willing to change, that’s excellent. But before you decide to go through with the marriage, make sure you have a plan set up: find a therapist, find a support group, and take the necessary precautions before you are married.
Regardless of money spent, promises made, and outside pressure, it is better to call off an engagement than to go through a divorce. Going against your gut instinct when making a decision like marriage will more than likely end in heartache.
Divorce is a death. It’s the end of a promise you made to someone you care (or at one time, cared) deeply about. It’s the end of your dream of a family together, forever. A divorce is a death of these ideas, and whether or not you were the one to ask for the divorce, you will need time to grieve. Grieving isn’t something to be ashamed of when in the aftermath of a divorce. It’s necessary in order to say goodbye to the relationship, learn about who you are now, and eventually move on.
If you’d like to set up a time to meet up with Reka, you can contact her by phone at 402-881-8125, by email at reka@omaha-counseling.com, or via Twitter or Facebook.
