There are certain threats to a marriage that seem common: struggling with finances, lack of communication, intrusive in-laws, or not enough alone time together.
Other threats to a marriage are often overlooked or thought of as small problems. However, the small problems, when allowed to fester, turn into big problems that threaten a marriage when not dealt with.
Here are a few that come to mind:
Believing loneliness will disappear with marriage. You can’t be around your spouse at every moment of your life, so thinking that marriage will make you feel unlonely is incorrect. When one enters into a marriage thinking that it will solve their problems with loneliness and it doesn’t, they often blame their partner for doing something wrong or they go searching for companionship elsewhere.
If you struggle with feeling lonely, it’s important to see a therapist or your family doctor in order to deal with those feelings in a healthy manner.
Facebook. Recent studies have shown that people who excessively use Facebook (defined as checking it more than hourly) are more likely to have Facebook–related conflicts with their partner; the more a person in a relationship uses Facebook, the more likely they are to monitor their partner’s Facebook activity, leading to feelings of jealousy. Excessive Facebook users are more likely to reconnect with previous partners or connect with potential partners, which may lead to emotional and physical cheating.
Alcohol consumption. A new study concludes that heavy drinking isn’t a marital deal-breaker as long as both spouses consume the same amount of alcohol. It is the difference between the couple’s drinking habits rather than the drinking itself that leads to marital dissatisfaction.
Not accepting your own baggage. By the time you’ve met your partner, you’ve probably had your share of shame or baggage. Sometimes, that shame or baggage becomes hidden or is something that you don’t want to talk about. When your spouse triggers it, it’s possible that you’ve hidden it so deep that you blame your spouse for creating it when in reality, that isn’t the case.
You must heal yourself instead of transferring it to your spouse. Once you realize and accept your own baggage, you can work on forgiving yourself. And then, after both of your have spent time working on yourselves individually, you can work together on problems that your marriage is facing. That is when couples therapy would be beneficial. It’s important to find a marriage counselor that you feel comfortable with and who has training in couples therapy.
No matter the problem, no matter how small or trivial it seems, it has the potential to grow into something that could negatively affect your marriage. The key is to talk about any problem before it’s allowed to grow.
You can contact Reka by phone at 402-881-8125, by email at reka@omaha-counseling.com, or via Twitter or Facebook.
