As you’ve probably heard before, a marriage takes work from both partners in order to grow and last. Often in the beginning years, marriage seems easy. However, once you introduce children, new jobs, and other responsibilities into a marriage, it can become difficult to find time for just each other. A marriage doesn’t lose passion and sexual chemistry overnight. It’s a gradual progression.
The topic of a sexless marriage is often considered taboo, and many spouses who are in one don’t know how to talk about it or fix it. However, Newsweek estimates that about 15 to 20 percent of couples are in a sexless marriage.
If you or your spouse feel unsatisfied by the amount of sex or closeness in your marriage, here are a couple steps to take to get the intimacy back:
Address it immediately. Most problems start off small. When they aren’t dealt with and are allowed to fester, they get worse. The same goes for a sexless marriage.
Lisa Thomson, a columnist for Divorced Moms, makes an excellent point: in a sexually healthy relationship, you feel validated, attractive, and wanted. It’s a gift your partner gives you. It is unhealthy both physically and emotionally to be in a sexless marriage. You might notice your self-esteem isn’t what it used to be; you might feel unlovable and undesired by your spouse. Your stress levels can sky rocket, and it’s easy to start thinking your spouse is cheating on you. These thoughts and feelings aren’t healthy, and more than likely they aren’t true.
See a therapist. Psychotherapist Tina Tessina, PhD, lists the most common causes of sexless marriages. Some examples: when one partner has had their feelings hurt or been turned down too many times, one got too busy or neglectful, or perhaps one of the partners has a communication problem of some sort—even worse, if both partners have trouble communicating.
Sometimes spouses stop hearing each other. A therapist will listen and help you learn, or relearn, how to communicate your needs to each other. She will be able to see some of the more problematic areas of your marriage and will know how to help you address them. It might be difficult to share secrets about your sex life, but your therapist will not judge you. She’s there to help you get to the underlying reasons why your marriage has lost its intimacy, and how you can break free of the sexless rut.
You shouldn’t feel like your spouse is only a roommate or friend. Huffington Post has an excellent article that compiled information from relationship experts on seven signs that you and your spouse are on your way to a sexless marriage. If you have this problem, don’t wait for it to fix itself—take action today to save your marriage.
If you would like to set up an appointment to see Reka, you can reach her at 402-881-8125. You can also email her at reka@omaha-counseling.com. You can stay connected with us on Twitter or Facebook.
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