Having a miscarriage is both physically and emotionally difficult, regardless of your circumstances. It can feel especially painful if you and your partner were struggling with infertility or had miscarriages in the past.
It’s normal to go through the same grieving process as you would for the loss of a close relative or friend. Time and comfort are often the best healers, but it helps to understand the grief and mourning process that can accompany a miscarriage.
Here are a few things to keep in mind:
Don’t ignore your pain. Ignoring your pain will only make it worse. In order to achieve real healing, you must face your grief and deal with it.You may feel guilty, but try to remember that many miscarriages happen for no reason. It is unlikely that a miscarriage was caused by something you did or didn’t do. You might feel out of control, confused, anxious, shocked, numb, and/or exhausted. Allow yourself to feel what you feel.
You aren’t alone. Although you might feel like you are alone, there is help. See a therapist to help you talk through your emotions. Your therapist might also know a support group to attend. If you’d rather not talk with people in public, you can always go online. There are different websites devoted to talking about miscarriages that are full of information, help, and tips from other people going through the same thing.
Do what will help. Healing doesn’t mean that you are forgetting your baby or trying to make the memories insignificant. Some women find comfort by doing something tangible like planting a tree, selecting a special piece of jewelry with a birthstone, or donating to a charity.
Ask questions. When you are ready, sit down with your doctor and your partner. Your doctor will be able to give you information regarding your miscarriage, any complications that might have occurred, when you can begin trying to conceive again, etc.
Lean on your partner. Even though your partner didn’t physically go through the miscarriage, they did lose their child too. Your partner is experiencing loss as well, and instead of turning away, turn toward each other. Seek therapy together.
If you’d like to set up a time to meet up with Reka, you can contact her by phone at 402-881-8125, by email at reka@omaha-counseling.com, or via Twitter or Facebook.
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photo credit: Melancholia pt1 via photopin (license)
