In our last blog post, we talked about the difficult decision to divorce. No divorce is like another, and everyone goes through different process of grieving.
It’s important to grieve in a healthy way. If you have a history of substance abuse or struggles with mental illness, it’s important to keep yourself in check.
Here are a few tips on moving on after a divorce:
Allow yourself time to mourn. No matter the conditions of the divorce, it will be very different living on your own. Chances are, you had a lot of happy times with your ex, and you probably leaned on each other during the difficult times. It will be different not having them around and it’s okay to allow yourself time to mourn. Divorce is a loss, and there will be different feelings associated with that. It’s okay to cry, to be angry, or to be sad.
Find your support system. This might come from family, friends, and co-workers. It can also come from a therapist. Going through a divorce can be one of the toughest events in a person’s life, and it’s okay to seek professional help. The transition from being married to being single isn’t an easy process, and it gets even more difficult when children are involved. Emotions will be high and a therapist can help you work through your feelings.
Downsize. This step might take some time to work up to. Start small; maybe begin by taking pictures down of the two of you. Keep some for your children, and throw others away.
This step all depends on you: do you want to get rid of gifts from your spouse? Is it best to move out of the house? Maybe your spouse did all the yard work and now it’s too much for you. Perhaps you no longer need the large home or maybe you can’t make the payments without the dual income. By moving, you are able to build a home that expresses your taste.
Learn to let it go. You will drive yourself crazy thinking of the what-if’s and other regrets. Life can’t go forward if you’re always reliving the past. You will have regrets and you will probably be bitter towards your ex, but it’s important to let those feeling go, learn from your past, and move on.
Journal through it. It can be hard to see the good of a divorce. It might be beneficial to keep a journal to look back on. The Huffington Post asked its readers what divorce had taught them and then compiled a list of answers. Keeping your own list might help you refocus after a divorce, so when you are having a tough day, you can look back on your journal to see how far you’ve come.
In our next blog post, we will continue our discussion by talking about how to help your children after a divorce. If you have any questions about today’s blog post, don’t hesitate to contact Reka by phone at 402-881-8125, by email at reka@omaha-counseling.com, or via Twitter or Facebook.
—
photo credit: digitizedchaos via photopin cc
