This is the final installment of a series on “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. If you’d like to catch up on the previous three posts, you can find them here.

Now that we’ve introduced the five love languages, what do you think is your primary love language? What makes you feel most loved by your partner?

Here are a few ways to uncover which primary love language is yours:

  • How do you typically show love to your partner? Do you mow the lawn or take out the cat’s litter box? Your way of expressing love (in this case, acts of service) is a good indicator that these things would also make you feel loved.
  • What does your partner do that hurts you most? Or is it something your partner fails to do that hurts the most? For example, if your partner only shows that he loves you through sex and that hurts you deeply, you are craving a stronger connection through physical touch (holding hands, kissing more often, receiving a back rub) because that is your love language.
  • What do you most often request of your partner? For example, if you ask your partner to take a night off from his fantasy football league so that you can spend some time together or if you ask your partner to turn the television off to talk, your primary love language is probably quality time.

You can use these three keys in order to find out what love language is your partner’s as well. How does your partner show love to you? What does your partner most often request of you?

As we talked about in previous blog posts, speaking your partner’s love language might not be natural for you. However, if you want to strengthen your relationship, you will want to learn it. By expressing an act of love that is solely for your partner’s pleasure, you are choosing to show that you love him/her. You might not be getting any pleasure out of the exchange, but you still choose to wash the towels, give your partner a foot rub, or bring home a bouquet of flowers because you know just how much it will mean to your partner.

Learning how your partner likes to be loved will strengthen your relationship. Hopefully, while you are learning how to speak your partner’s love language, your partner will learn to speak yours. If both of you are receiving the kind of love you crave, your relationship will be stronger because you both know how to communicate to each other.

Are you wanting to learn your partner’s love language? Here is an exercise that Chapman suggests: tell your partner that you want to work on strengthening your relationship by doing a better job of meeting his/her needs. Ask for suggestions on how to improve (these suggestions will clue you in on his/her primary love language).

For six months, focus on that love language and the suggestions your partner has given you. At the end of each month, ask your partner for feedback. Also, look back on what you have been doing, and ask yourself if you see any changes in your relationship.

Are you and your partner having problems communicating? Does your relationship feel like it’s stalled? Please consider reaching out to Reka by phone at 402-881-8125, by email at, or via Twitter or Facebook.

photo credit: Photochiel via photopin cc