In our last blog post, we began discussing how to focus on your children after divorce. In this post, we will continue talking about how to focus on your children after a divorce, in particular, how to co-parent. It can be difficult to see your ex after ending your relationship, but it’s crucial in order to provide stability for your children.
Try thinking of it as the beginning of a new relationship with your ex, one that is not about you and your ex romantically, but a relationship that is entirely about the well-being of your children.
It’s important to understand that while your marriage may have ended, your family has not. Doing what is best for your kids is the most important thing you can do as a parent. It’s about putting your child’s needs ahead of your own.
In order to achieve this, try to keep things amicable. Very rarely do divorces end amicably, but it’s important to set aside your anger, resentment, and pain when your kids are around. Deal with those feelings with your therapist and support group.
The benefits of having a divorce end amicably are endless for a child: children don’t have to be the middle man for their parents. They can see the love that the two of you have for them when you put them first and your divorce second.
Before you tell your children about the decision to divorce, it would be beneficial for both parents to meet and discuss some key issues:
- How will you tell your kids: Make sure it’s in a private place where the children will feel safe. They will have questions, and it’s important to answer them as honestly as possible. Reassure your children that they are loved and that they aren’t at all to blame for the divorce.
- Consistency: Try to keep the same rules, discipline, and schedule at both households. Of course, this can’t always be done perfectly, but at least trying to be consistent can help avoid confusion, especially during the first months of the divorce.
- Decide how to act when together:Criticizing your ex in front of your children won’t make you feel better, and it definitely won’t benefit your children. Decide to put your children first.
Therapists can be helpful to families as they try to define their post-divorce parenting relationships. If you have any questions about today’s blog post or would like to set up a meeting, don’t hesitate to contact Reka by phone at 402-881-8125, by email at reka@omaha-counseling.com, or via Twitter or Facebook.
