At one time, it was common for women to marry young, have children, and be homemakers. However, times have changed and many women work outside the home, don’t feel the need to be married, and don’t feel the need to have children right away, or even at all.
Yet, many women still feel pressured by society to have children. If you and your partner have decided that you don’t want to have children, here are a few things to keep in mind:
Choose the life that is right for you. It’s important for you to sit down with your partner and assess where you are in life. Are the circumstances right for you to have a child? Figure out your values and desires in life. Would a child be a good addition to your lives at this point? Later on in life? It’s important to know what your partner wants, both now and in the future.
It isn’t selfish. Some people think that not wanting to have children is selfish, but that’s not the case. Many women and their partners have thought it out. Maybe they don’t want to bring a child into the current conditions of this world. Maybe a debilitating disease runs in their family, and they don’t want to pass it on. Maybe they want to devote their lives to helping others who are already in the world. Maybe they can’t afford to give a child the kind of life they think a child deserves (whether it be financial issues, a busy career where they travel often, or they lack the maternal/paternal instincts for a child).
It’s possible that some couples don’t want to have children for what others see as “selfish” reasons, but it’s their choice. If they’ve decided that they don’t want to give up certain aspects of their lives in order to have a child, it’s their choice. Sometimes, it can be selfish to have children.
You don’t need to provide a reason. It’s not socially acceptable for someone to make comments or jokes about a woman’s plans for child-bearing. It’s not okay to ask when she’s going to have kids or her reasons why she’s choosing not to.
Before asking a woman why she doesn’t have kids, consider that maybe she can’t. Maybe the woman has tried having children and she has learned that she’s physically unable to. Maybe the woman was pregnant and miscarried. It may seem like a simple question to you, but for her, it might trigger extremely painful memories.
If you’d like to set up a time to meet up with Reka, you can contact her by phone at 402-881-8125, by email at reka@omaha-counseling.com, or via Twitter or Facebook.
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photo credit: jorgemejia via photopin cc
