In our last blog post, we talked about establishing dating boundaries for your teenager. It’s important to create boundaries for your teen on more than just dating. Establishing and maintaining clear, reasonable boundaries for your teenager are essential for both of you.
Your teen will soon be an adult; in the workplace and in society, there are limits. They won’t be able to behave in any way they choose without repercussions. Teaching your teen to be responsible, trustworthy, and accountable is vital for their growth into adulthood and independence.
Talk with Your Partner. It’s important to be on the same page as your partner about what types of boundaries you want to set. How often can your teen borrow the car? Are you willing to help buy a car for them? If so, how much are you willing to put towards it? On what nights is your teen allowed to go out? Are they old enough for a cell phone? If so, will you pay for it or will they be responsible for payments?
Then, Talk to Your Teen. Responsibility and a feeling of self-control begin with your teen knowing and understanding their choices within the boundaries you set. Let them know what is important to you and why. Give them a chance to respond, and listen. When you are willing to compromise, you may find that the conversation is more effective, as your teen will gain a sense of responsibility.
With your partner, work out what is really important to both of you and what you could let go. It’s about finding a balance.
Be Open to Change. Let your teen know that everything is negotiable to a point. If you set the boundaries too strictly, your teen might rebel. Maybe every rule can be revisited after two months. For example: you want your daughter home at 11 pm, but she wants to stay out until midnight. Give her two months to show that she is responsible enough to be home at 11 pm. If she consistently makes curfew for those two months, you can revisit the rule. Maybe for the next two months, her curfew is extended to 11:30, and the same trial period begins again.
Set Consequences and Stick to Them. Make sure your teen knows that there is a consequence for missing curfew, for lying about where they went, for low grades, etc. When your teen learns that you are serious about enforcing the consequences, they’ll become serious about maturing and knowing how to live within the boundaries we have in life.
Be patient. If you aren’t sure the best way to set up the boundaries, or if you are having difficulty with your teen, you can set up an appointment with Reka by phone at 402-881-8125 or by email at reka@omaha-counseling.com. You can also follow her on Twitter and Facebook.
