Some parents choose to divorce later in life once their children are out of the house. Regardless of your age, your parents’ divorce will be a difficult time in your life. There’s no right way to cope, and each person will come to terms with their parents’ divorce in a different way.
Here are a few helpful tips on where to start:
Communicate: Regardless of whether you saw the divorce coming or if you were blindsided by the news, it’s important to communicate with your parents about the divorce. Ask questions so that you can better understand what is going on and where they are in the process. In order for you to understand and to eventually move on, you need to communicate with each parent.
Set up boundaries. If one parent speaks badly about the other to you, let them know right away that you don’t want to hear that kind of stuff. You might be an adult, but you are still their child, and it won’t do you any good to know the grittiness of your parents’ marriage. If you feel uncomfortable with the information your parents are telling you, let them know. You don’t understand all of the dynamics of your parents’ marriage and divorce, nor should you. Help them find someone that they can talk to in order to receive objective counsel on the divorce.
It’s okay to grieve. Just because you are an adult when your parents divorce doesn’t mean you can’t show your confusion, sadness, and pain. The sense of loss can be overwhelming, and seeing one of your parents move out of your family home can seem too hard to handle. Don’t keep your sadness and pain inside, or you will never be able to work through your feelings. You must give yourself permission to grieve.
Seek help through resources. Use the Internet to look up advice about being an adult when your parents divorce. There are countless websites, books, and articles devoted to the topic of divorce, and you’ll be able to see how others coped. After the divorce, different problems will arise—splitting holidays, handling your upcoming wedding, meeting your mother’s new boyfriend, etc. You might want to seek help at those difficult times as well.
Rely on your support system. If you have siblings, rely on each other for emotional support. If you don’t, look for a friend who has gone through the same situation and who you feel comfortable talking with. It might also be beneficial to talk to a therapist if you are struggling with understanding the divorce and how to cope with it.
To schedule an appointment with Reka, you can contact her by phone at 402-881-8125, by email at reka@omaha-counseling.com, or via Twitter or Facebook.
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photo credit: Storm Front via photopin (license)
