Losing a spouse is one of the most devastating events a person can go through, and early widowhood can be a difficult and distressing time.
The surviving partner is left to start a new life with a broken heart and often with few navigational tools. Lisa Kolb–a writer, pastry chef, and young widow–writes that the condolences end, but being a widow doesn’t.
Here are a few ideas on how to live as a widow after year one:
It’s still okay to grieve. There will be times when you feel like you have a good handle on life. There will be other times that can send you back into the grieving stage. Depending on your coping mechanisms, periods of grief can last a few months, several years, even a lifetime. It’s okay to grieve as long as you need to. There’s no expiration date on grieving for your spouse.
Be candid with your friends and family. Let them know what you need from them. Let them know that it’s okay to talk about your spouse because the stories make you smile or because it makes you happy that he’s being remembered. Some family and friends might think they are being respectful by not bringing up your spouse. Let them know that it’s okay.
As Kolb says, a widow’s journey is complicated and lengthy. Acknowledge the hugeness of your loss so that you can forgive yourself for any setbacks, and let your family know that you still need them by your side to help you rise after those stumbles.
Find a support group. It might seem odd to be talking at meetings with other widows, but with time, it will help. Nobody can truly comprehend the loss of a spouse unless they’ve been through it. The people in your support group will be able to listen and share their own experiences; a good support group allows you to grow as your own person.
If there is a “trigger” coming up for you, you might consider seeing a therapist. It can be especially difficult during the upcoming holidays. Sue Larrison, writer of the blog Widows Speak Up, describes Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve as the Bermuda Triangle. Any one of these holidays can make a widow feel sad or desolate, but all three back to back can rock any ship. Your therapist can help guide you through the rough patches.
If you’d like to set up a time to meet up with Reka, you can contact her by phone at 402-881-8125, by email at reka@omaha-counseling.com, or via Twitter or Facebook.
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