In some of our past blog posts, we’ve talked in depth about tips for dealing with a breakup and how to get through a divorce. However, what happens when you and your significant other break up, and you are living together?
Any breakup is difficult and emotional, but when you have been living together (sharing bills, sharing pets, purchasing big items together), it adds more problems to an already difficult situation. It’s easy to think that things will get messy, but they don’t have to.
Here are a few tips on how to deal with a live-in breakup:
Be respectful: Try to remain as calm and respectful as possible toward your ex even though your anger might motivate you to fight. Chances are, the two of you could be sharing your space for a while even after you break up, so it’s important to remember to respect each other’s privacy. Glamour suggests that you discuss times when you can agree to leave each other home alone so that you can vent to friends and family on the phone, pack your things, and deal with your emotions.
Compromise: Dividing up your joint assets is going to be a difficult process. Karin Buckery at Hello Giggles says it well by putting it into the simplest of terms: “Things are hard enough. Don’t fight over salt and pepper shakers.” Know that you are going to have to negotiate and that you’ll be losing some things, but so is your ex. Make a list of major items the two of you purchased together; include an estimate of what you paid for each. Try not to be greedy or manipulative in your motives.
Make an exit plan: Start thinking about who is going to live where. It’s okay if you don’t want to stay at your apartment or house with your ex; make plans to stay with a friend for a couple nights. However, Frederick Hertz from NOLO warns you to be careful so that you don’t vacate your residence to such an extent that your partner could claim you’ve abandoned all rights of possession of your property. Continue to pay your share of the expenses, even if you aren’t living there, until you and your partner agree otherwise in writing.
It’s possible that after your breakup, you and your ex will have to continue living in the same space for financial reasons until the lease is up. If this is the case, the two of you will have to make some new rules and establish boundaries. Talk honestly about ways that you can successfully cohabitate until things change.
Get your finances in order: If you have joint financial assets you don’t want to risk losing, go to the bank and put a block on the accounts. A block simply requires both signatures for a withdrawal.
Whether you’re married or not, ending both a relationship and a living arrangement are two of the biggest stressors you can experience. It is normal to grieve in a situation like this. Don’t hesitate to seek counseling if the pressure gets too great—you don’t have to do this alone.
If you’d like to set up a time to meet up with Reka, you can contact her by phone at 402-881-8125, by email at reka@omaha-counseling.com, or via Twitter or Facebook.
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photo credit: living room/dining room via photopin (license)
