Every child has different personality traits. Some like to be the center of attention, while others tend to shy away.
It can be challenging to work with a child who is “bossy,” but there are positive ways to redirect challenging behavior.
- Be a model on how to give directions. Often, children repeat the behavior they see. Pay attention to how you are talking to your spouse. When you ask your spouse to do something for you, do you ask politely or bark orders?
Ask your requests in a calm, positive manner, and watch the tone of voice you use. It can make a big difference in how your children talk to you, their siblings, and their peers.
- Offer choices. When possible, offer your child a few different choices. That way, when he picks one, he will feel like he had a say in the decision that was made instead of feeling like he is being forced.
- Don’t take orders. If your child orders you to do something, ask him to repeat his request in a polite manner. It’s important that he know that demanding something isn’t going to get him what he wants.
- Be firm in your answers. It’s important for your child to learn the meaning of the word “no.” A child with bossy tendencies will expect to get his or her own way, but it’s important that they doesn’t get their way every time. It can be challenging for parents to say “no,” especially if the child is persistent in asking or cries in order to get what they want. It may seem easier to just give in, but it’s important for the child to learn that he or she will not always get their way in life.
When you give in, you are making it more difficult to say no the next time. Your child will remember that crying/yelling/negotiating worked last time, and they’ll do it again.
- Praise your child. When you see your child being polite, let them know that you are proud of them. When he or she doesn’t fuss after you say “no,” tell them later that you are proud of how they handled the situation. Positive reinforcement can go a long way; your child will be happy you noticed, and will more likely to continue acting and speaking that way in the future.
- Be patient. The key to parenting this type of personality is to be patient and avoid power struggles. Ask for advice from family and friends, and get counseling if you need help. Having a bossy child isn’t a negative thing. Most children who tend to be bossy have strong leadership qualities and are very smart. In time, your child can become a great leader if they can learn how to positively treat others and take “no” in stride.
To schedule an appointment with Reka, you can contact her by phone at 402-881-8125, by email at reka@omaha-counseling.com, or via Twitter or Facebook.
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photo credit: Tantrum on the stairs via photopin (license)
